You light up (my cold heart)
by Dark K. Sly
Summary: It has to be said, before anything else, that Derek Hale is not, and has never been, a jerk. You know who is a jerk? Stiles's boyfriend.


It has to be said, before anything else, that Derek Hale is not, and has never been, a jerk.

He's not the kind of guy who steals a girl at a bar when he sees someone else is into her just because he can – _no_ , he's actually the kind of guy who tells said girl he's gay or not interested, and then introduces her to the person who actually _is_ into her and then vamooses.

He's not a jerk. He knows what he has going for him, but he's never one to use that against other people and, before he came back to Beacon Hills after Laura, he actually had a couple of friends in New York.

If he comes off as closed off and standoffish and maybe a little bit like a jerk a few times, it's because circumstances made him so – his sister was dead, his uncle was killing people, his first turned was a monster, his dead uncle was alive again, his younger sister hated him, he saw one of Betas dead, he was forced to kill another Beta of his, the Darach had seduced him, the Alphas were after him (and Scott), demon foxes were coming out of a dead tree to possess people he actually cared about – it wasn't easy.

It really, _really_ wasn't easy, and that's why, maybe, he sounded a bit pricklier than he would have wished.

But at the end of the day, he wasn't a jerk.

That's why when Stiles came to him, two weeks before leaving for college, to tell him about all those feelings he had for Derek, and when Derek, not really thinking things through, shot him down and told him he wasn't interested, it wasn't because he was a jerk, or he wanted to send Stiles away, or wanted to hurt him in any way – it was because, at that very moment, he believed, with all his heart, that that was the absolute truth.

He was, of course, wrong.

But that doesn't make him a jerk.

You know who _is_ a jerk?

Stiles's boyfriend.

 **X**

For all that he spent the last two years of his High School career as the _boy who runs with the wolves_ , with special role as a Nogitsune for a while there, Stiles isn't really into dramatics.

He likes being noticed, sure, and he has a thing for not being the invisible boy anymore after being no more than a shadow to Lydia for so long, and for being the sidekick to Scott's main character for some time, but he's not into too much drama or wanting to cause a scene, or exaggerations of any kind – not when he is the focus and the subject is serious.

So when he says that when he was rejected by Derek it _physically hurt him_ , he's not being a drama queen, he's not exaggerating, he's not trying to make it sound worse than it really was.

It actually, truly _hurt_. Physically, as well as emotionally.

He felt it like a pain by the sides of his neck, as if he had been tense for way too long and was just then noticing it – like dozens of needles being buried into his skin, followed by a hollowing sensation in his stomach, as if he was going to be sick, and then a strange beat in his heart, that made breathing difficult – not as in a panic attack, but as if the air was _wrong_.

It felt like a giant hand closing all around his torso and _squeezing hard_ , until he gathered himself enough to nod, stare at Derek's sincere, apologetic eyes and then leave.

It's not as if he hadn't known it was an option, being rejected. Actually, it wasn't as if it hadn't been the _main_ option, but he was expecting Derek to tell him they couldn't be together because he was too young, because he was leaving for college, because he had a life to live before he could be with someone like Derek.

You see, he and Derek, they kept having these… moments between them. Too long stares to be casual, and too much touching to be just circumstance, and Derek always checked up on him first when they were in danger, and he always listened to him first when they were talking, and there just seemed to be something there, he had been so freaking _sure_ of it.

Apparently, he had been wrong, because when he goes to that damn loft to talk, two weeks before he has to leave for Stanford, Derek stares at him with such confusion that it's obvious it all had been just in Stiles's head.

He tries, poor Derek, he actually _tries_ to let him down gently. He shakes his head softly, and frowns in confusion, and tells him that _Stiles, no, I'm… I don't feel that way. I'm sorry._

He sounds it too.

He actually looks as if he is so freaking sorry for hurting Stiles, and it kind of makes him feel even worse about the whole thing, because if Derek were a jerk, he could hate him, but he's not.

Under the leather jacket and the smirky humor lives a good guy, who likes to help and has infinite patience (when his own life isn't on the line, or he isn't being accused of murder).

It's because of all that that Stiles actually manages to stay away for way longer than he thought he would be able to.

He gets to college and settles down fine. His roommate isn't a complete ass, even if he likes partying _way_ more than he likes studying and by the end of their first semester Stiles is sure the guy is going to flunk out. They aren't close, but they get along enough that he doesn't feel the need to complain – the guy is polite and doesn't bring girls or guys to their room, isn't too loud when Stiles is trying to study, and doesn't seem to mind that Stiles sometimes spends three days straight without sleeping.

When Winter Holidays roll around, he's found a job at a bookstore and the owner offers him time and a half if he agrees to stay on during that time, because most of the staff is going home, and he takes the chance to make some money, so he won't feel like an ass by having to ask his dad, and the Sheriff comes to see him, arriving on the 23rd and leaving on the 27th.

By New Year's he has a boyfriend and he isn't really sure _how_.

Stiles has this plan of majoring in Psychology and so he starts trying to get his requirements for it right away instead of floating around (a bit like his roommate seems to be doing, but anyway). One of his classes his first semester is called Psych 1 – Introduction to Psychology, and there's a TA in it.

And the TA is freaking _fine_.

He's a redhead and the second he turns to write his name on the board when their professor introduces him, Stiles discreetly takes a picture and sends it to Lydia saying _apparently I have a thing for redheads_.

His eyes are freaking _green_ – not bluish or hazel, but green, and his smile is to die for. He can actually hear half the class sigh the first time the guy smiles at them, and Stiles smiles back when their eyes meet – not really because he thinks the guy will like him or anything, but just because it's that kind of smile. The one you want to answer in kind just because it's so freaking _nice_.

His name is Anthony, and he goes by _Anthony_ , he's not Tony, and he's 23. It's his first time being a TA and he likes feedback, asks questions to the students and listens to what they have to say, explains and goes over the material however many times is needed until everyone gets it, seems to have an endless supply of patience, deals with the obvious crushes with a kindness that make Stiles _ache_ , and is just overall a freaking nice guy. He always wears light-colored clothes, beiges and light greens and blues and yellows, and he seems to be perpetually waiting for a reason to smile.

He's like the anti-Derek.

The first time they meet outside of class is on Stiles's first day at his new job, and Anthony comes in looking for a fiction book, to help him unwind from work and studying. Stiles recommends _Sharp Teeth_ with a certain sense of irony, and Anthony takes it, smiling at him.

It's easy, talking to Anthony. He gets to class early a few days after that and Anthony comes over and talks to him about the book – they discuss it until the class starts, and later that day Anthony comes by his job to ask for another book and so it goes.

Maybe it's because never in his _life_ he would expect to have someone like Anthony actually be into him (between Lydia and Derek his self-esteem is kind of shot), but he has an easy time talking to the guy. They laugh over books and argue over different visions on characters. Anthony makes him read _A Song of Ice and Fire_ , which he hadn't before because he hadn't had the time, and when he's done they marathon Game of Thrones at Anthony's apartment on a long weekend, and they argue the whole time, because Anthony is a sucker for Arya and Jon Stark, and Stiles has a crush on Jamie and wants Sansa to be Queen.

They go out for coffee sometimes, after class or on the weekends they don't have too much work, and Stiles finds himself smiling at nothing when he remembers something Anthony has said or done. Time goes by, his dad comes for Christmas and Anthony stays a day longer to meet him, flying out to go to his parents' for the celebration. His dad has a knowing glint in his eyes for a while there, but Stiles doesn't even dare hope – Anthony is his _friend_ , he's out of his league, and he doesn't want to have his heart broken again, allowing himself to think about the guy like that.

Anthony comes back on the 30th, brings him a box set of Anne Rice's books, telling him he noticed Stiles enjoys mythical creatures, and Stiles laughs himself silly with that one. He gives Anthony a Henley shirt in the same green as his eyes, and the guy smiles that sweet, sweet smile at him, and everything is okay with the world.

They have a party to go to (actually, they have a few, but decide to settle at a quieter one), and at midnight Anthony looks at him, says _I'm really sorry if I'm reading this wrong_ , and then kisses him.

Not really a chaste kiss a friend would give the other on midnight on New Year's Eve, but a real, full on kiss; and when they pull away, Stiles smiles at him and tells him he didn't even _know_ that was a possible reading.

Anthony holds his hand the rest of the night, walks him home and calls the next day.

They don't change their relationship status on Facebook or anything, but Anthony starts introducing him as his boyfriend, and Stiles follows suit and does the same and now that Anthony is not TA to any of his classes, they don't bother keeping it a secret that they are, indeed, together.

Except Stiles doesn't talk about Anthony to anyone back at home, only his dad.

He still Skypes with Scott at least once every two or three days, and he and Lydia talk all the time on WhatsApp. He even keeps in touch with Kira and Isaac, who took a sabbatical before going to college, and Kira actually makes it a point to be with Scott when they talk at least once a week.

He even talks to Jackson, occasionally.

The only one he doesn't keep in touch with is Derek – at first because he's hurt, then because it'd be awkward, and finally because he realizes _Derek_ hasn't made any effort to keep in touch with him, so there's that.

But the fact is that not one of them knows he's in a serious relationship and while they don't ask he won't say anything, because it's his business and his business alone.

His dad comes for his birthday and stays the weekend, getting to know Anthony as his boyfriend; pulls out the Sheriff card and tries to intimidate the guy, who only ever smiles at him and wins the Sheriff over so much they end the weekend by conspiring against Stiles and going out for breakfast without him there to police what his dad eats.

On Spring Break, Stiles goes home with Anthony to meet his parents in New Haven. The couple resembles Anthony a _lot_ – calm and caring, his mom has his eyes and hair; his dad blond and tall and they share the same smile Stiles is learning to love.

They tell Stiles a few embarrassing stories from when Anthony was a kid, and Stiles feels the need to share a few of his own adventures with Scott, including the time he thought it'd be a great idea to jump off their tree house to prove he could land on his feet. He finds himself telling them about his mom, and Anthony pulls him close in a way that's just… perfect.

Anthony isn't built like a brick house, that's for sure, but he's strong and taller than Stiles, and he feels protected when Anthony puts his arms around him like he does that night when they lie down on bed. He tells him about his mom then, about being alone with her when she passed away, about his panic attacks, and how that's what made him want to be a psychologist, to help people, to help _kids_.

Anthony doesn't have any sad stories like that to tell. He's never lost a parent, he doesn't have sisters or brothers, no one in his family is in any dangerous line of work – his mom used to be a kindergarten teacher, but gave it up when he was born and never really went back; his dad is a tax attorney for a huge company, and they come from old money, never really had to struggle to make ends meet, to raise a kid, or even pay for college.

The biggest disagreement they ever had was a brief fight about Anthony wanting to go to Stanford having so many other good schools so close, but they got over it, knowing he needed his space to grow, and that was that.

It sounds so freaking _awesome_.

Never having lost a parent. Your mom never dying from a disease that made her not even know who her own son was half the time, the other half spent screaming herself out of nightmares or seeing people who weren't there. Never being abandoned by your father because he was a mean drunk and left your mom for her own good. Never having a mother kill herself because she couldn't be a little more understanding, never being beaten to an inch of your life by your own father, never being a pawn on your parents power play through a divorce, never being used to bring a monster back to life, never having to kill your first love, never having your whole family burned to the ground, never seeing your best friend's love die and not being able to do anything because you're _possessed,_ never being home alone for days on end, because your dad or your mom needs all the shifts they can get at the station or at the hospital to pay the bills for your medicine, your asthma, your panic attacks, your ADHD.

It sounds like heaven, and Stiles almost resents Anthony for it for a whole second, but instead he _basks_ in it. In Anthony's arms around him, Anthony's dad's interested smile when he talks about being a psychologist, Anthony's mom accepting his help in the kitchen, their warm house and smiles, the walk through town, meeting Anthony's old friends – he feels _good_ with it.

He wants this.

He wants this so freaking bad it makes his heart actually _hurt_.

He never really thought about how bad he's had it until he has some sort of frame of comparison, because he's not the worst one off out of his group of friends, but seeing _this_ – he wants his future kids to have _this_. This easygoing, happy, secure life.

He _wants_ this.

Spring break with Anthony changes something within him – it makes him want to _work_ for it, to _want_ it more than he did until now. It makes him want to make Anthony _happy_ like he does Stiles, and Anthony freaking _flourishes_ under the newfound attention. He confesses to Stiles that sometimes he felt like he was the only one who really saw them as _something_ , as if Stiles was always just waiting for something to break them up, but now, well, now they are on the same page.

They have been together for four months, almost five, and they haven't had sex yet.

On the 31st of May, Stiles steals Anthony's keys and skips his last class to go to his place and cook him dinner. He has one of Anthony's friends buy some wine for him, because he can't yet, cooks to the best of his abilities some recipe he asks Anthony's mom about, and Anthony has tears in his eyes when he sees the candle lit room.

They have sex on the floor of the living room and it's… romantic.

It's sweet and caring, and Anthony takes a really long time preparing him and reassuring him that they can stop any time Stiles wants. He touches him like he's going to break, and while Stiles loves that he also misses… something else.

Anthony is all gentle touches and careful whispers, and Stiles goes with it.

He knows not to expect the first time he has sex to be perfect and awesome and all that, and he soldiers through it being a bit of a letdown with everything else they have.

So what if the sex doesn't blow his mind or if their make out sessions aren't hot as burning?

Anthony _cares_ about him. Treats him like someone to be valued and not as a second thought. When he catches the flu, Anthony takes him to his own apartment so he can look after him better, and stays awake with him at night when he can't sleep because of his cough even though he has classes to teach the next day.

It's like living in a bubble with someone who really cares about him and lavishes him with the attention he's never, ever had, not since he was seven and his mom was still alive and completely healthy. In her final months she couldn't even take care of herself, let alone a small child, and Stiles had learned to fend for himself way before she had passed away.

His dad seems to equate her passing with Stiles having to grow up but it started long before that, and he… he can't – actually, he doesn't _want_ to deny himself this now. Of being someone's focus and reason. Of having someone who'll always answer his calls, will always be there.

It's easy.

Anthony, his family, his life, their relationship, it's so easy. So simple, so calm.

It's not… what he had seen himself with, but it's what he wants.

He's sure of it.

He's _really_ sure of it.

And then Summer Vacation comes, and his dad invites Anthony to come home with Stiles, and his boyfriend accepts.

 **X**

"I've known you for almost a _year_ , we've been together for half of that, and I've never seen you this fidgety."

Anthony's eyes are still on the road, but there's a small, teasing smile on his lips, and Stiles laughs a bit nervously in response.

"I'm just… Beacon Hills is weird. My friends are weird. And I don't… I don't want it to ruin… _us_."

He's never this hesitant while talking to Anthony but he can't really say 'we're walking right into a land where your nightmares come true at least three times a year', so he's trying to choose his words.

"Unless you have a bad-boy boyfriend or a psycho-killer girlfriend you haven't told me about back home, I think we're fine." Again, Anthony's voice is calm and gentle and warm, and yet Stiles kind of has a minor freak out with that.

"Please, _please_ , under NO circumstances comment on psycho-girlfriends while we're in Beacon Hills. It's _really_ not funny here, and I can live without the drama it'd bring back. Please?"

Anthony looks at him for a second, before his eyes going back to the road, and he looks startled, but no less accommodating than before.

 _How_ did he luck out with a guy like this, exactly?

"Sure" his boyfriend agrees, "If you feel strongly enough about it to use _please_ three times, I won't say a thing."

Stiles lets out a sigh of relief and smiles tentatively at Anthony.

Everything will work out fine.

He hopes.

"Are you nervous because you didn't tell your friends about us?"

Stiles looks at Anthony then, trying to see if he's hurt that Stiles hasn't, and his boyfriend seems to sense his doubt, because he just shakes his head.

"I'm not mad about that. I still think you're trying to punish them for something, but I'm not mad."

"They _didn't ask_ " is Stiles's answer, and he knows it's childish, but, hey, they didn't. It's like they wrote it off that he could have a life without them, and maybe – _maybe_ – he resents them a bit for it.

"I know. And I'm not mad, because I'm here, right? You wouldn't be bringing me to your father's house to meet your friends if you were embarrassed or having second thoughts about us, so I'm cool with it."

Stiles puts a hand on Anthony's leg and squeezes, smiling at him.

"I knew I liked you for a reason."

His boyfriend laughs at that and Stiles sighs heavily when they cross the sign that says 'Welcome to Beacon Hills!'

Welcome to a hellmouth more like it.

The house is silent when they get there, and Stiles frowns, knowing he texted his dad with the time he'd be getting home.

"Well, maybe he was called into work?" Anthony suggests and Stiles shrugs, grabbing one of his bags out of the car and tugging Anthony by the hand to the house.

"I have the keys, let's go."

Anthony takes the bag from him while he unlocks the door, and as soon as he steps into the house a chorus of " _Welcome home!"_ attacks him, and he takes a step back, right into Anthony, who's laughing at his neck.

"You freaking _knew!_ " he accuses and his boyfriend shrugs. He makes an angry face at him and turns to face the living room.

Lydia is, surprisingly, the first to attack him with a hug.

"Do _not_ spend this long without coming to see us again, you jerk!" she whispers as they pull away and he smiles at her, feeling a rush of affection for all of them. Scott is next, picking Stiles up and making him splutter indignantly, and then there's Isaac and Kira, and, finally, his dad.

"You guys didn't have to do this!" he tells them, looking around at a badly painted welcome sign above the stairs and the food on the table.

"A whole freaking _year_ , Stiles" Lydia accuses him again, before looking behind him at Anthony, "And who is _this_ , exactly?"

"Oh, this is… Derek?" he ends up saying, because Derek is getting in from the backdoor, and he's… Wow.

He is not ready for this.

"We know Derek, Stiles" Kira tells him teasingly, and Stiles loves her a bit more for saving him the embarrassment.

He laughs then.

"Yeah, sorry. Uhm, this is Anthony, my boyfriend. These are my friends, Kira, Scott, Isaac, Lydia and, uhm, Derek."

"It's great to meet you all" Anthony tells them with his disarming smile, and Lydia winks at him, giving him a discreet thumbs up, making him laugh a bit, "Stiles's told me so much about all of you."

Stiles beams at him, because it is true. He told Anthony _a lot_.

He just left out the part where half the people in the room are werewolves or werewolf-adjacent.

"He never said anything about you" Derek says, breaking the silence, and Stiles glares at him.

Derek, who up till Stiles introducing Anthony was just looking curious, now has a glower on his face and, well, all is right in the world.

"How would you know? From all the calls you've made and I didn't pick up, or all the e-mails you sent and didn't get through, or did your letters get lost in the mail?" he snaps at the man, and Derek glares a bit more.

"Oh, I'm okay with it, I knew he didn't tell you guys about us, but the Sheriff knew, so, really, I don't mind" Anthony replies, cool as a cucumber and saving Stiles the embarrassment from having to explain _Derek_ and _him_ and _him and Derek_ and how this angry kind of exchange is the norm for them.

The room seems to calm down a bit at that, and they all sit down – mostly just exchanging stories they haven't told each other yet – especially how he and Anthony met.

"I kind of fell for him the second he smiled at me" Anthony tells his friends, squeezing Stiles's hand in his and getting a beaming smile for it, "I was the TA in his class and he just looked so… special. I found out from another student he was going to start working at this bookstore, and I went there and he gave me this crazy poem about werewolves and that was it. For _months_ I tried to make him get on with it, but he just didn't see it, so on New Year's Eve I kissed him."

Stiles laughs a little, knowing he had been _incredibly_ naïve those first few months.

"Well, in my defense, I had _no idea_ I could get someone like you to be interested in me."

Anthony scoffs at that and takes a sip of his drink.

"And I still think Beacon Hills doesn't have any mirrors. Or intelligent life living in it, I mean, you're _you_ " his boyfriend says, as if Stiles being himself is more than enough to make anyone fall for him, and Stiles just _can't_ with the affection and ends up kissing him on the nose for it.

"Dork" he calls him, and Anthony just laughs, pulling him against his side, an arm around his shoulders, his head on Anthony's.

Lydia is smiling at them and Kira actually sighs a little bit. Scott has this happy, content smile and even Isaac's scarf seems happy for him.

Derek disappeared a few moments before, and Stiles doesn't want to think about it.

They hang out a bit more and then start leaving, one by one.

Scott is the last one to go, and he hugs Stiles before going.

"Hey, ahm, don't go out at night" he whispers, and Stiles pulls away and frowns.

"Why the hell not?" he whispers back, knowing Anthony is just a few steps away in the kitchen.

"Because we're kind of having a thing with these, ahm, vampires? You're good during the day, just don't go outside at night."

He runs his hands over his face at that.

"Are you serious?" he asks, his tone incredulous, and Scott runs his hand on the back of his neck, messing up his hair.

"I wish I wasn't?" he asks more than states, and Stiles shakes his head again.

"Fine. We'll stay in. And you'll _tell me_ if something goes down, I don't want to be out of the loop" he tells Scott seriously, and Scott nods before leaving.

Five hours he's been back, and there are _vampires_.

Hellmouth. Seriously.

He takes a second to compose himself and heads to the kitchen, where Anthony is finishing putting dishes in the washer. John left for work an hour ago and they are all alone in the house.

He hugs Anthony from behind, resting his forehead on the middle of his back, and Anthony sighs, covering Stiles's hands around his waist with his own.

"It turned out okay, didn't it?"

"Yeah, it really did" he huffs out a laugh, "The girls loved you."

"Even Lydia?" Anthony inquires, turning around and pulling Stiles to him, leaning against the kitchen table.

"Yeah" he answers confusedly, "Why?"

"You didn't tell me you guys dated."

"We didn't. I mean, I used to have a crush on her, but we became friends too much, it's like thinking about kissing my sister."

Anthony hums quietly, kisses Stiles hair.

"It's just Derek, then?"

"What?!" he squeaks, pulling away, but Anthony's hands on his waist tighten a bit, and he's looking at Stiles with a small understanding smile.

"I mean, I was kind of joking about the whole bad-boy boyfriend, but I get it. It would explain a lot, really."

"It's not- we… no. Anthony, God, no. We never dated, we never kissed, we never anything, I swear" he stops for a second, snorting a bit at the thought he has, "Even though psycho-killer girlfriends kind of sums up why I and Derek would never, _ever_ , be together."

"So all that tension and anger is because…" he prompts and Stiles sighs, putting his head on Anthony's shoulder. His boyfriend runs his hands on his back and it's just so _nice_.

"Derek came into our lives at a very, _very_ bad time. We are all kind of misfit toys here, but Derek is the master of them all. But he helped us when we were in High School, he helps the others here too – he helps Isaac and Scott more than anyone else, and we learned to live with him, but he's full of anger and self-hatred, and I guess I'm a bit like that too. Used to be like that – I don't think I'm the same… person anymore. But it rubs us off the wrong way, we're _always_ like that. I can't remember a single conversation of ours that didn't end up in an argument or a threat and…" he trails off and raises his head, smiling at Anthony, kissing him softly once, "I have _you_ now. I can't even imagine having anyone else" his voice quiet and soft.

Anthony smiles at him, pulls him close, and Stiles closes his eyes, enjoying the moment.

Outside the house, leaning against the kitchen door, Derek feels like tearing his hair out.

He has _no concept_ of timing, does he?

 **X**

It took Derek a whole year to kind of get over Paige.

She was fragile even when belligerent, and that scared him for a long while – he couldn't _deal_ with having someone that _vulnerable_ in his life again.

That's why when Kate showed up, all fire and gunpowder, easy smiles and _I can take care of myself_ he fell so hard for her, so fast – she could. She could hold her own against him and against anyone else. She was strong and independent, and she didn't need him all that much, and it was _heady_ , having someone like that, someone that _strong_.

And then she burned his whole family down and laughed about it.

After Kate, he closed off a little bit more. He finished school in New York, and he took a few courses in Community Colleges, and he made a few friends, but he kept distance from people he could actually fall for. His type was strong-willed and mouthy? He went out with meek guys and soft-spoken girls, made out with them, sometimes got laid, but he never really got involved.

Then he had to come back and there was someone mouthy and strong willed, and apparently _vulnerable_ around him, but Stiles saved him more times than he could count, held him above water when he was truly helpless and literally made sure he wasn't dead a hundred times after that, but he didn't really _think_ about it, because it was _Stiles_ and Stiles was a kid.

Stiles was gangly and lanky and sixteen.

Until he wasn't.

And then came Jennifer. Soft spoken, scared Jennifer, who tried to be mouthy and couldn't quite get there, but was willing to help him and be protected, and he fell – not as he had with Kate, not as he had for Paige, but he did, and that had turned out _great_ , really; with the power craziness and the Alphas and her killing a whole lot of people just so she could kill some more.

After that, he didn't want to think about his emotions anymore. He had to put himself together for Cora, for himself. He had to understand what the hell Peter was trying to do, and he had to, for once, save Stiles from himself and the Nogitsune and Allison's death, and Stiles was a kid again – helpless and in need of care and affection and worry, and he wouldn't think about a _kid_ like _that_.

He wouldn't.

He's not Kate.

And finally came Stiles and his awkward confession, and Derek turned him down, because he didn't feel like that. He didn't.

Stiles was barely eighteen. Sure, he was tall and his eyes looked way older than that, but he was a teenager, not even out of High School properly, still living with his dad, _the Sheriff_ , and Derek had never thought about him like that.

And then along came Anthony and everything changed.

Because Stiles, Stiles by himself, Stiles alone – Stiles was a gorgeous man, but he was still Stiles, sixteen and angry and mouthy and way too loud.

But Stiles with _Anthony_? The twenty-four year old who looked at him as if he hung the moon, the stars and also the chandelier on the Beast's ballroom?

That Stiles was nineteen and looked older. He was in a steady relationship and had inside jokes and an easy way of moving around the tall, redheaded _man_ who was way more into Stiles than Stiles was into him, and he didn't even notice. Stiles was happy and fine and he… he wasn't with Derek.

Because when it came down to it, he never really _felt_ for Stiles like he's feeling now because he didn't know it was a thing. He refused to even allow that thought to come to life, because it would have to be squished down again and killed. Stiles was a kid and Derek was not.

Anthony, however, is not a kid. He's not a freshman at college; he was the TA in Stiles's class. He's not in his teens and trying to find himself: he's twenty-four, only two years younger than Derek, and he's looking for something serious, it's clear in the way he interacts with Stiles, and Stiles _is right there with him_. All of a sudden, in between some angry words directed at him and a small smile traded with his boyfriend, Stiles is _a man_ , an adult, a few months away from twenty and old enough to make his own decisions, and Derek feels as if three years of unsuspected feelings come to the surface all at once, and he has no room to _breathe_ anymore.

He leaves. He leaves the living-room with the couple who can't spend five seconds apart and the friends who are happy for them, and he goes outside, leans against the kitchen door and just… stays there.

What does he do?

 _Can_ he even do anything?

It's not like Stiles has never given him a chance – he has. And it's clear that he's not as in love with Anthony as he wished he were, but is he going to be that kind of person, who tries to take back what he once threw away, just because he now sees it's good? How will _Stiles_ even see any advance of his, coming out of the blue, just because he now has a boyfriend?

He can't.

He can't do that, he won't be that kind of person.

But then again, Stiles is way too headstrong to let something like this go – he likes Anthony enough to believe he _loves_ him, maybe. To spend _years_ by his side without realizing that he had more emotion in his voice throwing insults at Derek than talking to his boyfriend.

It's not his place, but can he sit by and let that happen?

Or is it just… wishful thinking?

He shakes his head a bit and sighs. The others start leaving, and he hears the warning Scott gives Stiles – as if that kind of warning won't just make Stiles go poking around, trying to find the vampires.

Derek considers getting in again, maybe try to talk Stiles out of doing something stupid, but he doesn't get a chance, because suddenly they're talking, and Anthony is asking if there was ever anything between them, and Derek feels his chest _ache_ when he hears Stiles's heartbeat. He swallows drily, listening to him guaranteeing to Anthony that there's nothing there – that Derek is still the hatred-filled jerk who told them to get off his property so many years ago, even if now he's on their side. He makes sure Anthony knows Derek hasn't out-grown his psycho-girlfriends and, in reality, has never grown-up. He reaffirms all he could ever want is his boyfriend.

It's only after listening to all of this that he leaves.

It's not like Stiles is wrong, is it?

It's not like this whole thing is anyone's fault but his own.

It's not like he can do anything else.

 **X**

The whole thing with the vampires actually comes to an end three days after Stiles gets home, and honestly?

It's all his fault.

He and Anthony truly have a good rhythm together – they are used to each other. In the past few months, Stiles has spent more nights at Anthony's than in his dorm room and it's almost as if they're living together, really – except that back at school they have classes and jobs and things to do. In Beacon Hills there's nothing, especially if he has to stay out of pack business because of Anthony, and he really, _really_ doesn't want to drag his boyfriend into any of that.

Anthony is the antithesis of life with the pack. There's no rush, no life and death, no dire emergencies, it's just _them_. And it's good, it's great, awesome even – when they have something _else_ going on, but just the two of them in a town where they can only go out during the day?

It sucks.

Anthony, of course, doesn't seem to mind it so much. They watch some movies they'd been meaning to but hadn't found the time before, and they talk and take walks through town in the afternoon – it's really nice and, well, almost romantic, but Stiles is going crazy by the end of the third day, so he decides to go after the freaking vampires. He has no hopes that he will vanquish them all or anything, but he _has to know_ what the hell is going on, and why the pack hasn't finished them up yet. They'd been really good about it in the past two years, ending threats before it could become a problem.

He calls Scott when Anthony gets in the shower, just as the sun is starting to set.

"Why aren't you guys going after the vampires?" he asks as soon as Scott answers the phone, and he hears his best friend splutter a bit.

"Because we don't know how!"

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" he hisses, minding the sound of the water running. He has little time and a lot to find out.

"We don't know why they're here, and they aren't taking people yet. And we can't… well, we can't actually kill them, because they have about a hundred advantages on us, at least during the night, and we haven't found their… nest or whatever yet."

"What advantages are we talking about here?"

He hears Scott sighing on the other end of the line.

"Stiles, Anthony is there. You don't want to get caught up in this _now_."

"Yes, Scott, Anthony is here, and it's been three days, and I'm going crazy with nothing to do, because my friends are all busy dealing with Edward Cullen's cousins, and we can't go out at night. I need to do something to speed things along."

Scott is quiet for a moment and then he hears another sigh.

"I'll send everything we have on them to your e-mail. Just don't go _looking_ for them, ok? Maybe you can see something in the research that we didn't."

"Thanks, man."

Scott doesn't really answer so much as he sighs again and hangs up.

Stiles has just opened the file when Anthony gets out of the shower, smiling at him. He minimizes the window and grins back.

"You know what I was craving? That pasta thing you do, with the spinach" he tells Anthony, getting up and hugging him.

His boyfriend snorts, nosing along his neck.

"You just want your dad to eat spinach" he accuses and Stiles smiles again, pulling away and nodding.

"That and I don't want to cook."

"Lazy weirdo" his boyfriend tells him, his voice filled with fondness, kissing him briefly, before going downstairs to cook dinner.

Which gives Stiles about forty minutes to look through the files and, well, things are _not_ good.

During the night, vampires are pretty much a no-dying zone. If they are young enough, they can be harmed and then held captive until the sun is up and they could, potentially, be destroyed, but give it a few decades and _nothing_ would hold them back. Fire causes them superficial damage only and cutting them into pieces is almost impossible because their healing abilities make the werewolves' ones look like cheap tricks. A piece of the file says that the skin knits back together as fast as the cut is open, and no kind of material makes a difference.

They are immune to silver and garlic (which Stiles thought was a bust anyway), but also mountain ash and mistletoe, which sucks, because it can hold back any kind of were creature and its adjacent cousins, like the Kanima, the Oni, and Kitsunes.

The worst of all, though, is the fact that their bite is toxic to werewolves. Maybe, if a werewolf could bite a vampire and make it stick, the opposite would be true too, but the bite heals too fast to have any effect. The venom from the vampire, though, will not be expelled from the body of the werewolf, contaminating it, and killing said werewolf in about three hours.

So that explains why they haven't gone _after_ the things, even though the solution is quite clear – anyone who _isn't_ a werewolf has a shot.

They just have to find the place where they are hiding during the day, and bam! Vampire toast.

During the day, their healing stuff gets slow, and they can be killed easily enough – and, even better, they can be _turned to ashes_ , just like in _Interview with the Vampire_ (and wouldn't Anthony be proud, knowing his Christmas gift to Stiles is so useful?), if they are left in the sun long enough. No gooey blood stuff like in _True Blood_ , no sparkling skin, just good old ash.

Their poison isn't any less toxic to werewolves, though, so maybe Stiles, Lydia and Kira can deal with this one on their own.

Just looking at the research makes Stiles wonder why the girls _haven't_ taken this into their own hands – it's not like them to sit and wait _at all_.

He is getting his phone to call Lydia and _ask_ when Anthony knocks on his door before entering, a smile and the faint smell of pasta sauce coming from the kitchen.

"Hey, your dad got here about five minutes ago and dinner is done. You coming?"

He blinks twice before really understanding what Anthony is talking about and then he smiles, gets up, and leans for a kiss as he's passing by his boyfriend by the door.

"I'll be two minutes" he tells Anthony, getting into the bathroom, and splashing some water on his face.

Wow, that was… disturbingly easy, to get into the pack business as if nothing had changed, dive into research as if there's no tomorrow, calling Lydia to ask about things that would probably freak out anyone else listening.

That's not him anymore, though, is it? He doesn't _want_ it to be him. He's only doing this so he can _enjoy_ summer with Anthony, not because he wants to get back into this kind of life – the pack had been great about not getting him into the thick of things these past few months. Sure, they needed some help occasionally, but it was all off the grid, from far, far away, not… in his bedroom, with his dad waiting with food and Derek always as a Schrödinger's werewolf – is he there, is he coming, is he lurking, are they flirting? If he looks they are not, if he doesn't maybe they are, never knowing.

It's not what he has with Anthony. He _always_ knows with Anthony, because he's not a dark, mangled soul wrapped in a hot as burning body with supernatural powers – he's a gorgeous guy who's from a good family, wants a quiet life reading about Psychology, writing articles about it and treating his patients, maybe teaching someday. That's what his boyfriend wants.

That's what _he_ wants too, right?

He shakes his head as he's looking in the mirror and goes downstairs. His dad is talking pleasantly with Anthony, but as Stiles walks in, he turns and stares at him a little too long, and he knows right then there's something bothering his dad. Dinner is not really uncomfortable, but it _is_ weird, and Anthony kind of looks at him questioningly as they load the dishwasher, but he just shrugs – this time it isn't him, it's his dad who's being all awkward.

They finish cleaning up – Anthony offering (and insisting) to help, even though he did cook all by himself – and are just going to the living room when John calls them up, still in his uniform.

"Hey, son, I was thinking you could come along with me to the station for a bit? A few of the deputies actually miss almost arresting you every few weeks, and I told them I'd ask you to come by and say hello tonight."

Yeah, that was the worst lie ever. Mainly because Stiles had never been almost arrested, and even if he had been, that threat would have come from his dad and not his deputies – Derek had that habit, though, of getting on the wrong side of the police force, and Stiles did bail him out a few times, but still: his dad is lying for a reason, and he shrugs, nodding a bit.

"If Anthony doesn't mind staying behind? I could pick a movie on my way back?" he turns to his boyfriend, and Anthony looks doubtful for a second, before giving him a strained smile.

"Sure. I'll poke around your old room; see if I can find any embarrassing things you left behind."

Stiles smiles at him, rolling his eyes – there's nothing embarrassing left behind, because when he left he was so afraid someone would find his pack related stuff and think he was a psychopath, or just plain crazy, that he took it all out, and put it in Derek's safe storage unit (yes, because Derek had one. That's the kind of life they live).

"I'll be back before you miss me" he promises, getting his jacket.

"Impossible" Anthony answers sweetly, pecking him quickly, as he's already following his dad out the door.

And _that_ is the story of how his boyfriend ended up being kidnapped by vampires.

 **X**

"I'm worried about you" John says as soon as they're in the cruiser, and Stiles turns to stare at him in alarm, because they are just a few feet from the door and Anthony… Oh, Anthony _can't_ hear them.

Beacon Hills keeps giving him all these weird flashbacks.

"Why?"

"Stiles, I'm… Look, I was never really… as _present_ with you as I should have been—"

" _Dad_ , no, stop, God, we've had this—"

"No, you stop and listen to me" he quiets down, because that's his dad's serious voice, "As I was saying, I was never that present, but you're a good kid, all things considered, and you did a good job."

"Thanks, I guess" he mutters, not knowing where this is going.

"But now, kid, I'm worried."

"And again I ask, why? I'm fine. Things are fine! I mean, there's this thing with the vampires, but all in all my life away from the pack is fine. Anthony and I are fine."

John stops at a traffic light and stares at Stiles for a moment, his face bathed in the red light making this whole thing look so much more dramatic than it has to be.

"Do you remember those first weeks after the whole Nogitsune thing? Do you remember what your answer was every freaking time we asked you how you were doing?"

"Dad…"

"You would tell us you were _fine_ " John keeps talking, not allowing Stiles to interrupt him with his almost whine, "Fine doesn't cut it with me, kid. _That's_ what I'm worried about. Anthony is so obviously in love with you it's bordering on embarrassing, but you…" he trails off, taking his hands off the wheel for a second and sighing heavily as he drives, as if exasperated.

"Dad, I _love_ Anthony."

John shrugs, not looking at Stiles, but he doesn't have to, his whole expression is judging Stiles right now.

"Maybe. But you are _not_ as committed in this relationship as he is. You aren't even as committed as you _wish_ you were, and I think you should actually consider _why_ you're not."

"What, are you telling me I'm leading him on or something, because I'm not" he defends himself, his voice a little angry, because what the actual hell?

"That's not what I'm saying at all, son. I'm just… concerned that you think he's what you want, that you think he's what you _should_ want, that you're not letting yourself get what would really make you happy."

Stiles deflates from his anger a bit.

"I _am_ happy."

John parks his car, and stares at him with a kind of pitying look that Stiles absolutely _does not_ care for.

"As long as you're sure."

"I am, dad."

John sighs and they get out – turns out that some of his dad's deputies actually _do_ miss him, and it wasn't just an excuse to question Stiles's decisions in life. He stays for a bit, but then decides to head home, maybe talk to Anthony for a while.

If his dad got that impression from something Anthony has said or done he has to talk to him, make sure everything is fin… okay.

Make sure everything's okay.

One of the deputies going on a patrol gives him a ride, and he gets home pretty quickly.

The house is empty.

He tries _very hard_ not to panic – maybe Anthony went out, maybe he's in the shower, maybe he fell asleep and rolled under the couch, and that's why Stiles _cannot find him._ He searches the whole house twice and then he's freaking _losing his mind_.

He tries to think of what to do, who to call, his dad? Scott? Derek? Who?

Maybe he should try and call _Anthony_ , but then he actually gets his phone to call _Danny_.

"Hello?" the other boy answers cautiously, and Stiles takes a deep breath before starting to speak.

"I know we haven't talked in, like, almost two years. I also know how freaking _angry_ you were about the whole thing with Ethan, and I know you still blame us for a lot of stuff, but I got home three days ago and right now my boyfriend is missing, there are vampires in town and he knows _nothing_ about this, Danny. Please, _please_ , help me track the GPS on his phone."

He hears Danny sigh heavily on the other end, and his own breathing is erratic as he waits.

"Just… give me his freaking number."

There's a reason why everybody _still_ loves Danny.

Danny hangs up and promises to send him an address as soon as he gets one, and Stiles starts debating calling Anthony – on one hand, maybe he's just gone to the market. On the other, what if he calls him and draws attention to the fact that his cell is still on him, and reduces Danny's chances of tracking him down with it?

He's on the verge of having a small heart attack when Scott comes running through the door, looking winded and worried and apologetic.

"They have Anthony" he tells Stiles bluntly, just as his phone beeps with a text.

"Yeah? Well, I have their address" his voice like steel.

His boyfriend might hate him after this, but he will _not_ let him down.

 **X**

Anthony is _extremely_ confused right now, because he's not quite sure if he hit his head and can't remember it, or if he's actually _been kidnapped by vampires._

He's starting to wish he has a concussion, because the alternative is too insane to be true.

There are three of them, and they look… almost human. Their skin a bit _too_ pale, their eyes a little _too_ bright, their veins a little _too_ noticeable, but all in all they could pass as humans with no problem. It's just that something _else_ they seem to have that has Anthony starting to believe they are honest to god vampires.

"We should have waited to contact them until tomorrow night. We should have let their desperation grow" one of them is saying, and the tallest of them actually smacks himself on the forehead, as if he can't bear this argument anymore.

"No, David, what we _should_ have done is gotten out of here when we could. This pack is unstable and insane. They don't make any sense. Sending them the message as soon as we got the human was our best bet, because they'll want to negotiate quickly, to guarantee he won't be harmed. They become desperate, we're dead meat."

David sighs and turns to look at Anthony, studying him, and he has to fight the urge to squirm. The guy's eyes are a weird bluish color, and it's freaking him out.

"This is not the right human, though. Who knows if their Alpha is even coming to get him, I mean, this is _not_ what the plan was about. Everyone knows that the Alpha would come for his second in command, but for a human like this…" he trails off, sighing as if in disappointment, and the third… vampire is shaking his head.

"I know, but I think it's a good option. He didn't even know anything about us, anyway. Less dangerous for us" the guy who disagreed with David says, and the third vampire gets away from the wall he was leaning against and takes a few steps towards the others. He looks younger than the other two, more human, a little less stiff in his humanly gestures.

"Less dangerous would have been _asking_ for help. They'd have helped us without this crap. All we did with this" the younger guy says, gesturing towards Anthony, "is getting a pack of werewolves mad at us. This is actually going to get us killed."

"You know what, buddy?" comes am angry voice from the door to whatever the hell they are, "You are absolutely right."

Anthony has a mini heart attack when he notices the voice belongs to _Stiles_.

But this… this is not the Stiles he knows. This is not the guy who complains about waking up early, and who laughs at kitten videos on Youtube – this guy has a gun in his hands, and is being flanked by… are those _Lydia and Kira_?

Kira has a freaking _samurai sword_ and Lydia is holding a gun just like the one Stiles has in his hands, and they are aiming at the vampires, who look _freaked out_ about it. There's something deadly in all three people coming towards them, and David seems to think that hiding _behind_ Anthony is going to help him.

"You see, I was researching you guys, and I was about to just leave you the hell alone and let Scott decide what to do, seeing as he's the Alpha and I wasn't even _near_ any of this crap anymore, but you went and kidnapped _my boyfriend_."

They keep walking as he talks, and suddenly they are just a few steps away. The three vampires seem at a loss, as if they can't _believe_ there's someone threatening them.

"The one person who's always pro-killing the threat and you get his boyfriend, who knows nothing about the pack. You guys are _really_ stupid" Lydia says, her tone condescending.

"And what are you going to do about it? Call your werewolves to help? Do you want to get them all killed?" the oldest looking one asks them, and Lydia smiles at him.

"Sweetie, we don't need werewolves to solve our problems."

And then Stiles raises the gun, and Anthony wants to close his eyes, because he doesn't want to see his boyfriend _kill_ someone, but he can't look away and Stiles is pulling the trigger… and water is coming out of the end.

Water.

It's a freaking squirt gun, painted black, sure, but it's water.

Or something that _looks_ like water, because David, the one who was shot in the face with it, starts screaming like mad, as if he was hit with acid, and then Kira is slicing through the guys, and Lydia is squirting them too, the vampires trying to escape when the windows seem to explode all at once, but when Anthony actually looks they aren't exploding – they're being broken, by the rest of Stiles friends, covered from head to toe and wearing industrial gloves.

He can't help but close his eyes for a bit, the sounds of the screams and growls, and he's quite sure he saw _fur_ on one of Stiles's friend's face, and he's trying really, _really_ hard not to freak out.

He feels a hand on his face and opens his eyes, letting out a breath he had no idea he was holding when he sees it's Stiles.

"Hey," his boyfriend starts softly, "did they hurt you?"

He looks so freaking _concerned_ , and his touch on his face is so infuriatingly gentle. As if Anthony is made out of the finest crystal and is going to break at the slightest hit.

"No. They just… tied me to the chair."

He feels like laughing at how confused he sounds. Stiles smiles at him, small and hesitant, and Anthony tries to smile back, but Stiles is already behind him, working on the rope tying him down.

He looks ahead, and the three vampires are tied on the floor – the ropes seem to be dripping with something, making them squirm and hiss in pain.

"Did you use acid on them?" he asks, a tiny bit horrified, and Stiles snorts, finishing untying him and helping him up.

"Holy water."

Stiles keeps watching him, waiting to see his reaction and he lets out a startled laugh.

"I think I need to sit back down."

His boyfriend swallows hard, nodding at him.

"Look, we need to go and deal with these stupid Cullen wannabes, but we'll talk as soon as we're done, okay?"

"Stiles, we can deal with them now, if you want to…" Scott interrupts before Anthony can answer.

"Yeah, because I'm letting them alone with you guys. That's actually a thing that's going to happen."

"Hey, we made it work for the whole year you didn't come home."

They pause, staring at each other and Anthony feels as if he's intruding a very private conversation he has no right to witness.

"Yeah, but… not anymore, man" Stiles says, and something in Scott's face seems to crumble, and Kira is sniffing a bit, and Derek, the one who's the furthest from them, keeping watch over the vampires, seems to refuse to even look their way.

"That's all very touching, but can we go and tie these things to a tree and then watch them turn to ash? It should be festive. Maybe they'll glow just like glitter" Lydia says, smirking at the tied men.

"You can't hold us down! One little bite and your wolves will be dead meat, you useless mortal… ARGH!" David, who was shouting, snarls in pain as Lydia cuts his speech short by squirting him in the face.

"Can we go now?"

They end up soaking the vampires in more water, and the others carefully drag them down through a door that was at Anthony's back, into what looks like a forest, but Stiles tells him it's just the backyard of the abandoned house they took him to. Beacon Hills, apparently, has a lot of places with the Preserve as a backyard, which is great for the werewolves who are Stiles's friends.

While they are being tied to the trees in more rope than Anthony thinks would be necessary, but he's not going to voice that opinion, because _vampires and werewolves_ , David tries to argue their way out of what seems to be certain death by sunlight.

"We just wanted your help. We're having trouble with these hunters, and they would stop coming after us if a pack would vouch for us. You _know_ how ruthless they can be, you _know_ they are hardly ever fair! We just wanted help!"

"And yet instead of asking, you came after the one human who had nothing to do with the pack in the first place" Stiles points out, front row and center to the discussion, even though, so far, he has shown no sign of being anything other than human.

"We didn't think you'd listen to us if we didn't have leverage!"

"You see, my dad is the Sheriff. And if there's one thing I learned from him is that only guilty people assume they need _leverage_ to be heard. Why are these hunters after you? What did you do?"

"I fell in love" David confesses, his voice full of pain and he looks almost beautiful in the tragedy painted in his eyes, "And I wanted to turn her, because I didn't want her to die, but it didn't work and they came after us."

Scott sighs. Lydia, Isaac and Kira look _highly_ uncomfortable, and Derek looks downright miserable at hearing this, but Stiles doesn't move a muscle.

"Did _she_ love _you_?" he asks, his voice quieter, and David opens his mouth to answer, but the younger vampire beats him to it.

"She didn't. She had a child and a husband, and he killed her family. The hunters found out because she ran after the bite, asked them to kill her. That's when they started to hunt us down."

Stiles is quiet then, the rest of the pack tense, as if waiting for what he's going to say, but he says nothing. David tries to rip his ropes, snarling at Stiles, but Derek is suddenly in front of Stiles, growling at the vampire who quiets down, looking scared.

"Did you help?" Scott asks, then, standing beside Stiles, who steps to the side of Derek, and the three of them are so _close_ to the vampires that Anthony wants to go there and put Stiles behind _him_ , but, honestly, who's he kidding?

"Mark helped him get rid of the bodies. I didn't help" the same one answers, and Scott looks at Stiles and then Derek. Derek shakes his head, but Stiles shrugs.

"Do you want to leave? We can't punish you for something you had no part in."

The vampire shakes his head, offering no explanation, and just stares right ahead into the horizon, where the sun is going to rise in a few more minutes.

It's the strangest experience he's ever had in his whole life.

David seems to be desperate to survive, tries lashing out at the werewolves, tries to bribe them, tries to threaten, but all they do is take a step aside and let Stiles or Lydia squirt them with what is apparently _holy water_ , even though the other vampire, Mark, starts saying it doesn't make any sense, that it's a myth, that it shouldn't work, even though it keeps burning his skin when it touches him. Mark stops after some time, closes his eyes and starts praying in a language Anthony doesn't recognize, but Lydia seems to with the way she leans into Stiles's space and whispers something in his ear and he looks sad for a bit.

The sun rises, and there are screams, _so many screams_ , but after a few minutes there are just ashes – not sculpted like he was kind of expecting, but just a huge pile of it, starting to scatter in the wind. Lydia and Stiles start to collect some of it, putting it into jars, and letting the rest go. They give it to Scott who promises to get it to Deaton, whoever that may be, and finally they start to leave.

Kira drives him and Stiles home, and his boyfriend is awfully quiet by his side. Something is different now, something is… not broken.

The opposite, actually.

Seeing Stiles _now_ , the way he was before, the way he behaved in the woods, it just… it _completes_ him.

It dawns on him then that he doesn't know Stiles _at all_.

 **X**

Stiles kind of wishes he could say the last nine hours were a blur, but they weren't.

God, they weren't.

Having the vampires' address did nothing, really, because they had no idea how to get to them, how to kill them, what to do so they wouldn't hurt Anthony.

Scott had dragged him to Deaton's, and the man had helped a bit, insinuated a lot, and finally told them that, if Stiles could really _believe it_ , Holy water could help.

The werewolves were banned from the first attack, because it would only damage them, and then there was a whole _battle_ from Lydia, himself and Kira to go on alone. Also, they needed holy water, _real_ holy water, and that meant they had to _raid a church_ – which Derek offered to do with minimum fuss as soon as Stiles almost had a panic attack as he said that out loud.

After that was a matter of finding the right guns, and water pistols painted black were the best they could do, send Isaac to tail his dad and make sure he wouldn't go poking around the house where the vampires were, and dress Derek and Scott in industrial gloves and closed off necklines to make sure they wouldn't get poisoned by accident.

And then… well, and then there was Anthony, tied to a chair, looking dazed and dizzy, and all bets were off. Even if the vampires hadn't killed a whole family, Stiles isn't sure he would have been able to just let them go.

They had gotten _Anthony_. That was… off limits.

He had kind of _asked_ for this life, when it came down to it. He could have left them a thousand times in the past three years, he could have left them when Scott was bitten, he could have left when his dad lost his job, he could have left when Scott became an Alpha and found a pack with Isaac, he could have left when he became the Nogitsune and for months was way too damaged to help them, he could have left when Allison _died_ because of him – but in the end, he hadn't.

He hadn't left because he didn't _want_ to. He loved his life with Anthony, he really did love feeling safe, but these people were more than friends, they were part of his life.

They were more than family, they were his _pack_.

And yeah, he had spent a year kind of away, but even then, he knew he had them. And he had been kind of a jerk to hide all that time just because Derek didn't feel for him what he felt for the man, it was unfair of him to pretend he wasn't in their pack, that he wasn't ready to help, that they would feel they couldn't come to him – they _needed_ him. They _wanted_ him around.

He _wanted_ to feel safe, sure, but he wanted to be pack too.

He hadn't really realized that until he saw those three douchebags with his boyfriend there – because he could help. Not for a second did he doubt that they would get Anthony back, but what if it were someone else?

Someone like the girl that vampire had bitten against her will? Someone needed to help those people, and that's what they had been doing for the longest time.

He didn't want to leave this behind – it was a part of him, and he wasn't going to deny that anymore.

But the problem now was that, well, maybe he wouldn't have a boyfriend anymore. Anthony had barely said a word ever since they left the preserve, getting home and getting into the shower.

Stiles had followed suit, cleaning up in his dad's bathroom, but Anthony hadn't left his bathroom yet, and he's starting to get worried.

What if Anthony is scared of him now? What if he breaks up with him and refuses to ever talk to him again? He wasn't kidding when he said he loved him, he can't even imagine his life without Anthony in it.

He stops being a creep and leaves the bedroom, going to the kitchen, where his dad is already sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.

His dad only ever reads the newspaper at the table when he's pissed.

"Three days."

"I know."

"Three days home, and your boyfriend gets kidnapped by vampires, and I have to know about it from _Isaac Lahey_."

"Sorry."

The Sheriff puts the paper down and stares at Stiles long and hard, making him squirm.

"How are you?"

He shrugs.

"I'm fine. It was easy."

"How easy?"

"Holy water. Ropes wet with holy water, Kira's sword kind of doused in it, even if it didn't really work like we wanted it to, and then we tied them to a tree and watched the sunrise. Poof, there's only ashes now, we didn't even have to clean up any bodies."

"Jesus, kid" John says, and Stiles stares at him, but it looks like the man is containing a smile, "Scott was worried about something for, like, three weeks. You get home and three days later everything's done."

"I know, it's like they can't function without me" he comments, getting himself some coffee and grinning a bit. Call him selfish, but it's good to feel valued.

"Oh, they can, but it takes them longer. They argue more, their strategies are flawed. Derek never wants to agree to anything, and Lydia thinks she knows all there's to know about everything. Isaac gets that way he does, Kira frets a lot. They do need you. What I want to know is what do _you_ want to do?"

Stiles sighs then, long and hard, and takes a sip of his coffee.

"I can't stop being who I am, and I am a human in a pack. I needed this time away to… find out what I am, who I want to be, that I am here because I want to be here, and not because I _have_ to. I'm good. I'm coming back home on weekends this time" he finishes with a small smile, and John smiles at him then, open and happy.

"As long as you're happy and out of jail, kid."

His dad gets up then, claps him on the back and wishes him good luck with Anthony before going to work. As soon as he's out of the house, Anthony gets into the kitchen.

"Your dad knows?" is the first thing out of his mouth, and Stiles laughs quietly, nodding.

"Ever since junior year, when… well, when things got _really_ bad."

"How bad?" his boyfriend (is he still his boyfriend?) asks as he sits down facing Stiles, getting himself some coffee, and not looking at him in the eye.

"The town was invaded by a pack of Alpha werewolves and a mad Darach, which is basically a crazy magic druid person gone bad, who was sacrificing people to gather power so she could kill even more people. She was our English teacher. And Derek's girlfriend – which is why I told you no psycho-girlfriend jokes, because she wasn't even the first one he had like that. That's when I told my dad" Anthony stops stirring his coffee and just listens, still looking at his cup, and not Stiles, "A few weeks after that I was possessed by a demon. Scott's first girlfriend died because of it. That's when things got really bad." He lowers his head, refusing to even think about Allison right now, because _that_ is something he'll never, _ever_ get over – Lydia's screams, her panic, the broken look in Chris Argent's face.

"God, Stiles" Anthony says then, looking at him, his face crumbling down in sadness.

"It was bad, but we moved on, in a way. Lydia and Scott got me back. It took me a while to… get back to normal, but I did."

"And ever since then?"

Stiles shrugs, looking down.

"Things have been… what they are. There was a whole sacrifice thing where we kind of died and awakened this tree and creatures come here from time to time, they are called here. Like a Beacon" he says, his mouth in a sardonic smile, "We hold them back, eliminate threats, try to keep the peace."

Anthony stares at him for a long moment then, not talking.

"All the others, they're…"

Stiles shakes his head.

"They aren't all werewolves. Scott, Isaac and Derek, only. There's Derek's uncle, Peter, who is a werewolf too, but he's not here anymore, ran away a few years back, with his daughter, who is a werecoyote. Kira is a Kitsune. Lydia is a banshee and Allison was a hunter, like her dad, but she was human" he tries to smile at it, remembering her face, her grin, "Her dad is still based here, he helps us from time to time. I think he's in France right now, but he always comes back. His wife is buried here too."

Anthony looks like he doesn't even know what to do with that information, it's so overwhelming – Stiles gets it, a bit. It's hard to even really be supportive to the guy who lost his mom when he was eight, but finding the right thing to say when all of _that_ has happened? It's impossible.

"Are you…?"

He pauses, not really knowing how to phrase the question, and Stiles lets out a small laugh.

"I'm… human. I've never been bitten by anything, I don't have any super strength or super healing or anything – well, at least when I'm not being possessed by Japanese fox demons, anyway. My only power is being good at research and having a knack for talking my way out of things. Or dig my own grave, more often than not."

"But you _are_ something" Anthony tells him, noticing the way he worded his answer.

Stiles takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, noisily, trying to gather his thoughts and think of a way to explain something he doesn't fully understand himself.

"Holy water doesn't really work on vampires" he starts, and Anthony seems surprised, most of all because he _saw_ it working, "It's a myth. But some things have power in them if someone believes hard enough, and I'm… a believer" he says with a small laugh, making Anthony smile, "Anyone else goes against a vampire with a squirt gun and they'd be dead in three seconds, but I _knew_ it would work, I believed in it, and so it did" he finishes simply, shrugging, "Deaton calls it a Spark" he rolls his eyes as he says it, "but Peter kept teasing me with it, so I don't like to call it that. But I _am_ human."

"This is just…"

"Crazy, I know" his looks down to the table, not being able to face Anthony anymore.

"No" Anthony tells him vehemently, and Stiles looks up again, seeing him shake his head, "It just… makes so much sense. I just… I would never have guessed wolf pack and vampires and whatever the hell you just described, but there was _always_ something about you, Stiles, that didn't quite add up."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you want to know what really got me into you? What made me pursue you for _months_ , even though I had no idea if you really didn't understand what I was trying to do, or if you were just leading me on?" Stiles keeps quiet, waiting for him to talk, because this is not going how he thought it would, "You looked _dangerous_."

"What?!" he splutters, "Are you crazy? I'm not dangerous!"

"You looked it" the man states simply with a small shrug, "You got into that classroom and you looked all around you, looking for all the exits before you deliberately sat down on the row where you could leave more easily. You carried yourself in a way that I heard some of the girls talk about, wishing they had the guts to come and talk to you, but they wouldn't approach you because of the way you would always avoid contact, as if you were expecting to be attacked. You had the whole tall, dark and mysterious thing _down_ , and then you would start talking to someone you knew, and it'd change, you'd become this amazing guy, who was so easy to fall in love with. You were… a riddle. Something I couldn't understand. Sure, I'd never have guessed _this_ , but I always thought, I don't know, a gang or a Fight Club or something like that was in your past."

"I'm not… It seems like you're describing _Derek_."

"Well," Anthony shrugs, titling his head to the side, "comparing you to him _now_ , yes, you don't seem all that dark or mysterious, but you on your own… It just, it makes sense now. I understand things better now. _You_ make more sense now."

They are quiet for a moment, because Stiles is afraid to ask, but he knows he has to. He can't just keep waiting, he has to.

"Do you want to go home? Are we… are we breaking up?"

Anthony frowns at him, confusedly.

"I've just told you I understand you better now, and you ask me if we're breaking up? What kind of thought process is that?"

Stiles lets out a startled laugh.

"I thought you understanding wouldn't exactly stop you from breaking up with me after being kidnapped by _Edward Cullen_."

"More like Louis and Lestat, really. I mean, they did turn into ash."

"How are you joking about this?" his voice is kind of hopeful but scared at the same time, because, well, why _isn't_ Anthony running? "Are you something? Like, an angel or an elf or something?"

Anthony laughs so hard he goes red in the face, and has tears in his eyes when he stops.

"It's really sweet that when you think I could be something weird you go with angels and elves. I'm not, though. I'm just… me. Nothing really exciting ever happened in my life, I have no great tragedies, no epic friendships, no… sparks" he says, smiling softly, "I'm just Anthony. Grad student, TA, hoping to be a psychology teacher someday, and completely in love with you" he reaches out a hand, grabbing Stiles's one that is on the table, "The fact that I now know a lot more about you, about why you are who you are, just makes me love you more. You're defensive about your friends because you don't think new people will get your friendship. You were angry at them because you thought that if you went away, they would see they don't need you. You are brave and, let's be honest, just plain _scary_ when you're angry, and I feel pretty turned on by the fact that you actually killed three vampires just because they came at me" he places his other hand on Stiles's cheek, caressing it slowly, a fond smile on his lips, "You're still you, now you just seem a little bit more… comprehensible. I'm still in love with the same person. You're still Stiles, and unless something changed for _you_ , I'm still your boyfriend."

Stiles can only smile at that, thank all the gods that Anthony is so amazing, and then kiss his boyfriend sweetly, before they head to bed to catch up on the sleep they didn't get last night.

But the fact is that things do change.

Because now Anthony _knows_ , and because of _that_ … well, because of that, Stiles can be with the pack again.

And that changes everything.

 **X**

Derek doesn't really think Stiles's boyfriend is a jerk at first sight – he doesn't _like_ the guy, sure, but that's a lot to do with the fact that he's the sole reason Derek realizes he feels something for Stiles, that he _has felt_ something for Stiles for the longest time, and it's only when _Anthony_ comes into his life that he notices it. He dislikes him for having what Derek can't take back, and that's it.

After the vampire, thing, though, oh, after that things are different.

The guy is a complete _jerk_. How can Stiles _not see_ the way he only likes Stiles for the things that make him… well, _not him_?

Stiles is kind and caring. He's always been the light among their darkness, they gather around him because he's the most devoted person Derek has ever met. He is a _good person_ (despite being a jerk sometimes, but, hey, everyone is entitled to their flaws), and that Anthony person keeps looking at him as if he's dangerous and so very dark and so very _mysterious_ , and it's driving Derek insane, because that's _not_ Stiles.

He's never _wanted_ the crazy part of their lives. Stiles isn't still in the pack because he likes the insanity, the thrill – no. He's here, he's with them, because he freaking loves them all.

The guy loves Stiles, Derek won't deny that, but he loves him for all the wrong reasons.

It's driving Derek crazy.

And because it's driving him crazy, he decides he can afford to be childish, just for a little while.

For logical reasons, the pack tends to gather at his place when they are all in town – he has his own place, and his place isn't a dorm. That's more than enough reason for all of them to keep coming to his loft (out of which he hasn't moved, and has no intention to do so unless it's to buy a house), and he never really minds, to tell the truth, because otherwise he'd be awfully lonely. This summer, though, after the thing with the vampires, Stiles is around too, and with him comes _Anthony_ , and Derek can't stand the guy.

It's his place. If he wants to be childish, he can.

"So, _Tony_ , do you want anything to drink?" he offers with his best shit-eating grin as soon as Stiles's boyfriend is settled on the couch, looking curiously around his place.

"I prefer Anthony, and anything you have is fine" he answers, smiling at him, and Derek nods, going to the kitchen.

Stiles is already frowning, and he knows he shouldn't feel accomplished, but he can't help it.

"Tap water okay with you, _Tony_?" he asks from the kitchen.

"Cut it out, Derek!"

"He said anything I had was fine. I have _lots_ of tap water" Derek tells Stiles, coming back from the kitchen with a few cans of soda that he puts on the table.

"Well, it sure must look like the height of luxury to the guy who lived for _months_ on abandoned train depots and actually lives in an apartment with _no walls_."

"It's called a _loft_."

"It's called there's a whole in your wall from our junior year in High School, it's what it's called."

"Brian Kinney had one."

Stiles scoffs and laughs so loudly Derek is sure his neighbors can hear it.

"And you think you're Brian Kinney?"

"Scott, you're the Alpha, are you going to end this anytime soon?" Lydia asks, cutting Derek before he can answer.

He looks at their Alpha and sees that Scott is looking terribly amused.

"I don't know, I think I hit my head, but I actually missed them being all weird" Scott replies.

"Hey" Stiles starts, leaning back on the couch so he can look properly at Scott who's perched on the table by the window, "our banter is _classic_. I bet you wept every night in your little werewolf pillow about not being able to hear our glorious exchange of words."

"Oh yeah, I definitely missed it, especially when you start talking too much and Derek gives up and just growls. It's like music to my ears" he answers, rolling his eyes but getting up.

They are actually gathering to talk about the vampires, and Anthony has to be there because he was the one who spent more time with them.

Not that Derek has to like it, because he doesn't.

Soon enough, though, Derek kind of forgets that he's supposed to keep annoying the guy – sure, he keeps calling him Tony all the time, just because he can see how much that bugs the other man – but Stiles _being here_ suddenly is way more important than some random guy. He hadn't realized, not fully, not completely, how much he missed Stiles just… _being_. With them, with the pack that he had once pretended was his, but was now _theirs_ , his and Scott's and Isaac's and Lydia's and Stiles's and Kira's. This bunch of dysfunctional people thrown together because they needed the numbers to keep alive and had, somehow, become a true pack, just like their true alpha.

He missed this.

He missed the way Stiles talks, hands flying all over the place. He missed the way he'll stop to listen to anything Lydia has to say and yet try to ignore Isaac at every turn. The way his eyes keep searching for them, all of them, all the time, as if he's afraid they're all going to vanish into thin air – he missed this understanding of them, this complicity they share, this certainty that they're doing what's right and that it's all going to be okay in the end because they are dealing with whatever it is together.

They don't quite have that when Stiles isn't around.

But more than all of that, more than how much he missed what Stiles is to their pack, he missed _Stiles_. His hands, his voice. The tone of his skin, his every freaking mole, his presence. The way his shoulders relax when he's telling something he thinks people will find funny, the way he trades looks with Lydia and Scott and… and him.

The way he seems to _get it_ just because he's there, looking at him, knowing him, understanding him, _accepting_ him.

What the _hell_ had been going through his mind a year before, when he turned him down?

Truth be told, he _knows_ what was going through his mind: that Stiles was a kid. Fresh out of High school and with his whole future ahead of him. A whole lot of mistakes to make and decisions to take, and he needed – _Stiles_ needed, and he needed it too – to know that if Stiles decided to stay with them, then he would do so because he _wanted to be with them_.

Not because he was a Banshee, or an Alpha, or a born werewolf, or changed for all the wrong reasons, or a Kitsune, but because he was their Stiles. Even back then, even when he thought all he felt for Stiles was a deep fondness, that all they'd ever be were friends, even then he wanted to know Stiles was here because he wanted to be here.

And now he is.

With Anthony by his side.

He shakes himself from his thoughts and takes a deep breath – this is not a road he wants to go down.

It bugs him that Anthony doesn't see Stiles for who he's actually comfortable being, it creeps him out that Anthony likes Stiles because he's _dangerous_ , it makes him uncomfortable to think that they are together for a very long time and they must have been having sex for a lot of that time, but there's really nothing he _can_ do without being a complete jerk.

He can't.

That's just not who he is.

So he takes a deep breath again, and he tries to focus on the conversation, and he… lets it go. He does, as best as he can. He looks ahead, and he sees Stiles there, left hand on Anthony's shoulder, eyes dancing in laughter as he hears Lydia telling them something about her last date, and he smiles a bit, looking down, feeling… pleased.

Maybe he won't have Stiles as _his_ , ever. Maybe he will. But right now all he can do is be grateful that Stiles is _here_ , Stiles is their _pack_ , and even after a year of being away, he chose not only to come back, but to _stay_ – and after all he put Stiles through, after all he's said and done, after refusing him and telling him he's never felt anything more for Stiles than friendship… after all of that all he can really, really do if he wants to be a decent person is be happy that Stiles is here _at all_.

And so he will.

Because Derek Hale is a great many things, and some of them aren't even good, but he is not, and never has been, a jerk.

And no boyfriend of Stiles's is going to change that.

Stiles looks up right when he finishes his own inner pep talk and they trade a look.

Derek smiles, softly, privately, and nods almost imperceptibly at him, and Stiles smiles back.

It'll be okay, even if Anthony is a complete deluded jerk.

For Stiles, he'll deal.

For Stiles, he has a feeling he could do anything.

 **X**

Anthony is a pretty perceptive guy – always has been. He wouldn't have chosen the field he had, he wouldn't do so well in such a field, if he wasn't, and because of that, by the end of his third week in Beacon Hills, he has come to understand a whole lot about his boyfriend's pack.

So when he sees the way Derek stares at Stiles, he knows – he just _knows_ – the man is completely gone for his boyfriend. It's not as if the others talk about it, or even acknowledge it, which makes him think that this whole thing has been going on for so long they don't take notice of the long looks and the glares at anyone who comes too close, or the way Derek is way more protective of Stiles than anyone else in their pack. He knows Stiles is the only human in the middle of a bunch of supernatural creatures – but he has also seen his boyfriend in action, has seen him training with the werewolves during the three weeks he's been in Beacon Hills, and he knows Stiles isn't defenseless – far from it, really – he's dangerous and smart and cunning in a way the others just aren't. Lydia comes close enough, but she's also arrogant and thinks a bit too much of her own powers to do as well as Stiles does. Besides, Scott, who is clearly Stiles's best friend, is not that protective of him – none of the others is, it's just Derek. It isn't even something that could be mistaken for Derek maybe thinking Stiles isn't strong enough, that's not it: it's just so _clear_ that Stiles is his priority.

It's as simple as that.

It seems to be the norm, not the exception. It's not something that's happening now, because Stiles spent a whole year making his peace with who he wants to be, it's not because he's here now and wasn't before – it's _them_.

There _is_ a _them_ , and Anthony would have to be blind, deaf and stupid not to see it, not to realize that whatever it is that Derek feels for Stiles is all encompassing and true, and that whatever Stiles felt for Derek never went away.

Oh, Stiles likes Anthony well enough, he knows that. He would never betray him either, would never cheat – hell, Stiles would probably never, _ever_ even break up with him, because he likes Anthony's company, and it's kind of breaking his heart, really, and for the most selfish reasons, he's grown-up enough to admit it.

It's breaking his heart because it's clear that Stiles still thinks Derek doesn't want him, and because, most of all, Anthony is _safe_. He's safe, he's not a threat, he's an outsider in their little group, and he'll never, ever, be anything else, because as much as he likes the idea that Stiles is so freaking special, as much as he fell in love with this man who seemed to be so much more than anyone else around him, Stiles would never risk him, would never put him in danger – but he would never consider him a complete equal either, not in this stance.

In this life, in the life Stiles leads – and will _always_ lead, because this pack is his family, his everything – he'll always be the damsel in distress, the one left behind to fret while his boyfriend saves people with his pack.

It's _Stiles's_ pack. They've been through too much to have an outsider come now and just be accepted. Sure, they treat him well enough, politely enough, all smiles and explanations and never leaving him out on purpose, but he'll never be…

He'll never be Derek.

He'll never share the same smiles, or the looks when one thing or another is mentioned. He'll never know why swimming pools are an inside joke, he'll never know why Scott feels self-conscious about howling if Stiles is near, he'll never know why they all refuse to watch The Shining.

He'll never be able to say he saved Stiles's life, he'll never be able to be there for him the same way, but most of all, he'll never get from Stiles the easiness that comes from the both of them when they're together and that they don't seem to realize it's already there. They keep acting as if there's so much stopping them from being together when, really, _he_ is the only thing that would _have_ to stop them (because not Stiles nor Derek are he kind to cheat), and he… he's kind of tired of seeing this.

It hurts.

A lot.

He always knew he was much more invested in this relationship than Stiles ever was – he knew that from the beginning. The man hadn't even realized Anthony was hitting on him until he kissed him, and he looked far more surprised than pleased, and, yes, Stiles was happy beside him, but not as he looked and sounded and acted when he was around Derek. He also knows they don't really have _fire_ in between them – they're easy going, fun, kind of… puppy love. But Stiles and Derek? _Fire_. It's all over them, all the time. The teasing, the smiles, the never-ending arguments about anything and everything.

He loves Stiles – he truly, really does. With all his heart. He knows he'll probably never find anyone like him, ever again – Stiles makes him feel special and alive and protected, and it's crazy, he knows it is, because Stiles is four years younger than him, about to get in his second year of college, and yet he makes Anthony feel like a kid he's done so much, and seen so much, and been through so much pain.

Stiles is an amazing person. He is one of a kind, and Anthony _knows_ this is it, this is his one shot at being with a guy like this, but he loves Stiles, and that's all there is to it, really.

He loves Stiles so what he really has to do is let him go.

Because as much as Stiles would make him the happiest person on the planet, he'll never do that for him.

He has to let him go.

Anthony knows he shouldn't overthink all of this – he tries to make a habit of never doing that, because Stiles does it enough for the both of them, but as he watches Stiles load dishes into the dishwasher after their dinner, the Sheriff out to cover a shift from one of his deputies, he knows this is it.

It's now or never.

"We need to talk" he starts and Stiles turns, staring at him with a small smile on his lips.

"So you're going to tell me what it is that you've been thinking about all dinner?" The smile grows as he answers, straightening up and coming towards Anthony, who gets up from his chair.

"You're still in love with Derek."

That stops Stiles in his tracks, his eyes huge and his mouth open, looking hurt.

"Anthony, I—"

"It's okay, Stiles. I'm not… I'm… okay with it. I made my peace with it."

"But I'm not… We haven't…"

"I know" he rushes to reassure his boyfriend (for how much longer, really?), "That's why I'm not angry. You don't seem to realize that, Stiles, but you are. You really are, and it's undeniable. The way you look at him, the way the two of you talk to each other, the way you interact. It's so… it's so clear. You're in love with him" he takes a deep breath then, going to Stiles, who's still standing there, in the middle of the kitchen, face stricken with worry and fear and a thousand different things that Anthony has no wish to parse out, because it'll only prove even further that he doesn't really know Stiles, "And he's in love with you too."

Stiles laughs at that; bitter, and startled and a tiny bit broken, shaking his head.

"No, he's not. Derek's never… he doesn't…"

"Maybe he didn't" Anthony starts, "In the past tense. But now he does. Maybe seeing you now made him realize that. Maybe he was too afraid to let you get close before he knew you would _really_ come back to them. Maybe he was afraid he wasn't good enough for you, and now he can actually let himself feel because you're with someone else and he'd never try to break us up, but Stiles? He's gone for you. He's got it bad, and everyone with half a brain can see that. Maybe he hurt you too much, or maybe you just don't want to see it, that's why you didn't realize it before, but he is. He loves you, he's in love with you, and you are too, in a way you've never been, and never will be, with me."

Stiles swallows drily, and looks down, letting out a deep breath.

"Anthony, I… I never meant to hurt you. I love you, I swear to God, I…"

"I know" he answers simply, taking one of Stiles's hands in his, "I know. But you're not _in love_ with me. You can't be" he says, his voice light and almost amused, because, really, what else can he do? He loves Stiles too much to hurt him by being hateful right now, "You can't be _in_ love with two people at once, not like this. And the thing is that I know if I didn't tell you this now? In a few weeks we'd go back to school, and I would ask you to move in with me, and you'd probably accept, and I can't even picture any of us ever breaking up with the other, and we would be happy, Stiles. You'd make me the happiest man alive, I know that, but we can't. I can't let you do that."

"Why? I'm good at denial, you have _no_ idea" Stiles tells him with a small laugh, his eyes wet, "I… Why are you doing this?"

Anthony gets closer, kissing his boyfriend (closer and closer to the end of it) softly, his eyes closed for a second, before pulling back and smiling sadly at him.

"Because you two make sense. Because I've never seen you as alive as you are when you're near him. I've never seen you so committed, so tangible, so _real_ as you are when he's next to you. You've never been as bright, or sounded so happy. It's like a whole part of you has always been missing, as if I've kept expecting you to just… turn on a switch, and _be_ , _really be here_ all this time; and suddenly, you're next to him, and _you are here_. Fully, completely. You're _you_ with him, more than you have ever been with me, more than you _could_ ever be with me. I love you, Stiles. I want to make you happy. And you are at your happiest when you're with him."

Stiles huffs a laugh, rubbing his cheek, as if Anthony wouldn't see the tear that slipped there, and shakes his head.

"I don't want to break up with you. I don't want you to suffer."

Anthony shrugs, smiling, and takes a step back – hand still holding onto Stiles's.

"You won't. Go there, go to Derek, talk. Maybe I read the whole thing wrong, and I'll be here to pick up your pieces. Or maybe I'll be here to be your friend, and be happy for you, but then we'll both _know_. You would only hurt me if I knew you weren't as happy as you can be because you insisted on being with someone you don't love as much as you love Derek. Go to him. And if you come back to me, then it was meant to be. If it wasn't" he shrugs again, finally letting go of Stiles's hand, and taking yet another step away, "then I'll be here as your friend. Always."

He turns his back and goes upstairs, closing the door to Stiles's bedroom quietly behind him. He leans against it, sliding slowly to the floor, just listening, waiting – a small, tiny, really tiny part of him wants to hear hurried steps up the stairs, Stiles's voice telling him he got it all wrong, that he is in love with him and always will be.

What he does hear is the sound of the front door closing.

It's only when he can't hear Stiles's car anymore that he allows the tears to come.

It's done.

He did the right thing.

 **X**

Derek is quite used to spending his nights alone.

Sure, sometimes the pack is around, usually when they have trouble in town, but all in all, if it's past eleven he's all on his own, and that's it – he'll get into sweatpants, and watch TV, sometimes drink some beer if there's a game on, or drink some tea and read if he's feeling like it.

He is a pretty easy-going person, all things considered, when he has time to himself.

However, when someone comes knocking on his door at almost eleven at night, his first thought is _threat_. There's something wrong, someone from his pack is dying or some creature/hunter/a mix of the two is around and wants to kill him. He freezes for the fraction of a second, and then he's running to the door, already thinking of the fastest way to get dressed properly, how long it'll take to call up on the rest of the pack, and considering how much a threat the person on the other side of the door is.

As soon as he opens the door, he sees it's Stiles and can breathe a little more easily.

He steps to the side, letting the other man in, and sighing a bit in relief when he doesn't come forth with any kind of information about imminent disaster.

"What are you doing here?"

The door is now closed behind him and he crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for the information to come, because as happy as he is that Stiles is _here_ (it's kind of a conditioned response, really. Any kind of environment becomes automatically 75% better if Stiles is there, a 100% if no one is dying and/or trying to kill them), it's also unusual for him to be here this late, when Derek knows _Tony_ must be home.

Or downstairs, in some car, waiting.

"Anthony thinks you're in love with me."

Oh crap.

"Stiles, I…"

"He _thinks_ you're in love with me, but he _knows_ I'm in love with you. You see how this could be a problem here?"

Stiles's voice is rough and breaking at weird points, the thinnest trace of laughter in his words, as if he's just waiting for something to happen, for the other shoe to drop so he can laugh hysterically and then spend two weeks pretending nothing's happened at all.

"Why would he tell you that?"

That is _not_ what Derek was planning on saying – but then again, he wasn't planning on saying anything in particular. His brain is kind of offline right now.

"Apparently," Stiles starts, coming closer, circling around Derek, staring at him all the time, "because I'm never as real as I am when I'm around you. Because he seems to realize that everything _I told you_ I felt for you never went away, and now he tells me, and I kind of believe him, because Anthony _gets_ people, okay? He's good at that, he tells me that _you_ feel something for me too."

He stops walking and just stares at Derek, mouth set in a hard line, his whole body almost shaking with the effort of being still.

Derek doesn't say anything – he doesn't know what to say.

Is Stiles angry? Is he glad? If Derek tells him that yes, he does feel for Stiles, he's in love with him, he wants to adopt babies with him someday, what will he say? What will he do?

Can he risk it, by telling him the truth, risk whatever relationship they've rebuilt these past few weeks?

"Do you?" Stiles repeats, the words measured, hurt, and he already looks as if he's bracing himself to be rejected all over again.

This is unfair.

This is so unfair of Derek, he can't even _begin_ to consider, because he's been playing it safe with everything so far, and here is Stiles, throwing himself under the metaphorical bus for him _again_ ; there's Anthony risking losing the guy he loves, and Derek is thinking about acceptable risk.

He can't do this anymore. Run away like this. He can't keep being a coward.

"I do. I am. I'm in love with you."

Stiles looks so _disbelieving_ that for a moment Derek considers taking it back.

"Are you… are you _sure_?" his voice is hopeful but incredulous, and he laughs, just a small laugh, almost not there, looking down and shaking his head, "I mean, I would understand if you weren't, if you didn't, because one year ago-"

"One year ago, I didn't realize what you meant for me. I didn't see you for who you were, I didn't realize you weren't a kid anymore, but more than anything, I didn't think I could ever really have that choice, so I never even allowed myself to think of you like that. I couldn't."

"What the hell do you mean, you couldn't _have that choice_?!" Stiles's voice rises, and he looks angry again, "I was right _here_ telling you I had feelings for you, that I had _been having_ feelings for you since I was seventeen and your cousin made me see I wasn't really into anyone but you, and I never said anything because I knew it'd make you freak out! Because you had this thing with underage people, and I respected that, and I _waited_. I waited for you to get over your issues, and I waited for _me_ to get older, so I could tell you that, because I always thought you did feel something for me, that you saw me as more than your Alpha's dumb best friend, and then you _told me_ you had _never_ looked at me like that! I told you, Derek!"

"You did. And at that moment, it was the truth, I didn't think I did. I didn't realize what I felt, because you were leaving, Stiles. You were leaving. I mean, Cora left, and Malia left, and Peter left, and I could deal with that, I could find a way to deal, because it wasn't… it wasn't _you_. You were leaving. And if… If you were going to come back, I wanted it to be because you _wanted_ to come back. You _wanted_ to be here, not because you had never known anything else" he stops talking for a moment, taking a deep breath, "And now you're here."

"Did you plan it like this? Did you deliberately made me think you felt nothing for me, just so you could _be sure_? Because that's… that's crappy, Derek. That's low."

"I didn't! I swear I didn't! I didn't even realize the whole load of… _feelings_ I had for you until I saw you with… that guy."

"Anthony" Stiles says, the tiniest grin playing on his lips, "His name is Anthony."

"I don't really care."

They are silent for a long moment, and Derek tenses, waiting for whatever it is to come next, whatever it is to happen – the future of what they'll be from now on.

"He told me we made sense" Stiles says, voice soft, "That I'm real when I'm with you, that when we're apart I don't seem as… tangible."

Derek huffs a small laugh at that.

"Very poetic this Anthony."

"Am I, though? Am I more me when I'm with you than anywhere else?"

"I can't see you without me to know" Derek tells him, taking a very deep breath, moving towards Stiles and not even fully realizing it, "I don't really want to find out either. I love you just like this."

Stiles doesn't answer – he just stands there, looking at Derek as if he's not quite sure how he's supposed to respond, and Derek can understand that, he can get that so freaking much.

There were so many things in his life that he was too afraid to get too close to in case he realized they weren't his for the taking, that maybe someone would take it all away again; and the way Stiles just stands there, watching him, it screamed of someone who wanted something desperately and didn't want to try and get it because it could all be a misunderstanding, it could all be a joke, and he'd be left cold and alone and miserable, and maybe feeling like he'd never get back to his feet again, because not having something you wanted? That sucked, big time. But _almost_ having it, being able to almost _taste_ it and then being denied? It was heartbreaking.

So he takes the most risky route of them all, not caring about the consequences for once, because if Stiles could come here, and if Anthony could tell Stiles how Derek felt about _his boyfriend_ , then he damn well could be brave for _once_.

He walks determinately towards Stiles, who just stares at him, at his eyes, his mouth, and he pushes him against the wall at his back, the one with the whole in it, and he presses their bodies together as far as he can, until he can count the beats of Stiles's heart against his own, until all he can smell and hear and feel is Stiles.

And then he kisses him.

He kisses Stiles as if the world is ending and this is the answer to save it. He kisses him with all the words he was determined to never say so he wouldn't be trouble for his relationship, kisses him with every single kiss he missed for being who he was, for not seeing the good things in his life, for letting him go a year before – kisses him with the knowledge that Stiles is here, to stay, that he never stopped loving him even when he didn't think he could have him.

He tugs onto Stiles's hair, gripping it tight and firm and real, pressing impossibly closer, and trying not to even think that he might just as well be stealing someone's boyfriend. And when he pulls back, just a breath away, so close he can feel Stiles's hard breathing against his lips, he opens his eyes and stares at Stiles's, seeking his permission or denial, trying to see if he wants to go for it, if they should stop, if he wants to go home and discuss this with Anthony before going forward, or if this was a one-time thing only – he'll do whatever Stiles wants to, so he waits.

Stiles takes a really deep, shaky breath.

And then another.

"Fuck" he says, before getting his hands on Derek's hair and pulling him for another kiss, biting his lower lip before sucking on it, and Derek isn't really sure who made that sound that happened just now, but he doesn't really care.

Fuck, indeed.

 **X**

Yeah, so. Stiles had been in a relationship for a while now, and he liked sex a lot, but all in all, it wasn't really what he had been expecting all along.

Truth be told, sex was always kind of… boring. Anticlimax-y, in a way, after all the buildup during his teenage years, the retelling of Scott's prowess in bed by both Allison and Kira, and his own imagination, which usually included a very naked Derek Hale and walls.

Or trees.

But sex itself, the real thing, that he had somewhat regularly with his boyfriend? Meh.

It was, you know, okay.

He had resigned himself to the notion that it was what it was, and maybe he was bad at it, or maybe it was just one of those things in which the real deal could never quite measure up to his imagination.

Five seconds into his first kiss with Derek, and he is already pretty damn convinced he'd been wrong – sex, as it turns out, could be even more awesome than he could possibly imagine.

His every freaking nerve felt as if it was on fire – he was moving without thinking about it, just seeking _Derek_ , and his heat, and his mouth, and the sounds he was making were just… he couldn't even think about them, because he couldn't _think_. Period.

Thought had left the building the second Derek grabbed his hair and just _took_.

Anthony was always careful with him, always seeming to think he might break, or snap at him, or get out of their more intimate moments, but Derek just went for it, with the certainty that Stiles isn't going anywhere, _because he isn't_.

There's no place in the whole _universe_ that could possibly feel this good, this awesome and this desperate.

He can't breathe right.

He's freaking _moaning_ , and he has _no idea_ what he's doing, because as much as he has had sex before, it was _nothing_ like this.

His hips are moving on their own accord, his jeans tight, and uncomfortable, and he wants to take them out, but that means he'd have to let go of Derek, and that's just unacceptable.

Derek seems to think so too, if the way he just grips Stiles tighter when he tries to break their kiss is anything to go by.

"Pants" he gasps, turning his head away, and then just leaning it back against the wall, as Derek's teeth graze the skin of his neck, "Sweet loving lord, I… pants… off, God, I'm gonna…" he breaks off in a sharp intake of breath, because Derek doesn't move _away_ , he moves _into_ Stiles, into his space, rolling his own hips against him, pressing him even more against the wall, their bodies so ridiculously close, and yet much too far away, "I'm not kidding, pants off" he snaps, pushing his hips against Derek, which doesn't really seem to be an effective maneuver, as Derek only just groans something, and bites at his neck a little harder.

And then Derek steps back completely, he freaking takes _three_ steps back, panting, and his lips are red, and his eyes flash blue really quickly, before he closes them and breathes in deeply once, twice, before just raising his hands, and taking his shirt off.

"Oh my God, you're stripping" Stiles says, because it's so freaking _hot_ , and so fucking _surreal_ , he can't even begin to think about it. He leans against the wall again, his dick incredibly hard, and aching, and claiming for his attention, and he doesn't really know the protocol here, but he desperately wants to jerk off – but also, he wants Derek's dick _in him_ , like, yesterday, to do that, so he just swallows hard and tries not to notice how his hips keep thrusting forward, looking for Derek – who is now taking off his pants, and of _course_ he goes commando, why wouldn't he, right?

"Pants off" Derek tells him, moving forward again, and Stiles tries very, very hard to remember how to undo his belt, but he's not sure he can, because there's NAKED DEREK TOUCHING HIM NOW, and he's not sure he knows how to function anymore.

He doesn't particularly care, either.

Derek manages to open his belt and his pants, pulling his underwear with it, and Stiles somehow steps out of them, then he sheds his shirt, and pulls his t-shirt off, and he's naked.

He's naked with Derek Hale, and he's hard, and so is Derek, and he wants to fuck him so damn much he can't _think_ , and wow, but had been doing this whole thing wrong with Anthony, Jesus freaking Christ.

He's not sure who moves first, but it doesn't take more than a few seconds for them to be pressing so close together again that he can't tell their breathing apart, and it feels so freaking _amazing_ , Derek's skin against his, and his hands running over his back, and grabbing his butt, and _squeezing_ it, and he may squeak a little at that, and Derek chuckles, but his voice is rough and low and the sound goes straight to Stiles's dick, who is all too happy to make demands to be touched _right now_.

"I want you _now_ " he says against Derek's lips, pulling his head back by his hair, staring right into his freaking multi-colored eyes, "Now. Take me to bed, or fuck me against this wall, hell, bend me over that hole, and have at it, but I want you _now_."

Derek seems to lose his breath at that, pressing closer again before picking him up, hands supporting his butt, and crossing the room ridiculously fast, dropping him on his back on the bed.

He's about to make a joke about manhandling, but Derek is _on_ him now, pressing him against the mattress and this is just so much _hotter_ than anything else, and it feels so damn good, and Derek is taking hold of his dick, and _pulling_ , his hand going up and down slowly before picking up the pace, and Stiles doesn't really know what to do with himself anymore, so he just spreads his legs a little wider, sets his hands on Derek's shoulders, holding on for dear life. Derek fits between his legs as if he was _born_ to be there, and they aren't even really kissing anymore, just breathing the same air, mouths incredibly close, and Stiles feels as if his world is about to be shattered or completely rebuilt and he's _fine_ with that as long as Derek doesn't stop _moving_.

"Derek, I'm…" he can't finish the sentence, though, because Derek is kissing him again, kissing him as if it's the last thing they'll ever do, and he comes, eyes closed and a shout that is swallowed by Derek's mouth.

Derek pulls back a little, his hand still touching Stiles, caressing his inner thighs slowly, and Stiles can barely breathe, let alone _understand_ what's really going on, but he's on board with this, he's _so_ on board with _anything_ that means Derek will keep touching him; so when Derek leans in and kisses him again, moving them so Stiles is lying on his stomach, Derek _on_ him, pushing his legs closer together, and fitting himself in between them, hands searching for Stiles's, pulling them up, over his head, fingers gripping each other's tightly, and they're moving together, and Derek is panting against his neck, kissing him there, and nipping at it, and whispering his name; and Stiles _moans_ , because he may have just come, but Derek is so freaking _right_ against him like this, moving faster, his hips erratic and desperate, and coming between his legs, biting on his neck hard enough that Stiles muffles a scream against the mattress, and it's freaking _heaven_.

His only regret if he were to die right now would be that he would only have gotten to do this once.

Derek chuckles against his neck, and he realizes he may have said that aloud, but he doesn't really care.

"Just imagine what we'll do when we get our hands on some lube" the man tells him, and Stiles laughs quietly.

Derek's hands are still holding his, and he turns his head a bit, looking at it, at them intertwined and dirty and sweaty and perfect, and he wonders, for the tiniest moment, how could he ever think he was _in love_ with Anthony.

He closes his eyes, just breathing. Derek's weight against his back a reassurance that it's _real_ , that this is real, that _they_ are real, and he trusts Derek to be there, when he's exposed and bared for him to see.

He's never felt so content in his whole life, and he falls asleep with a small smile on his lips.

 **X**

The morning after is not as awkward as it could have been.

Not with Derek.

The morning after with Derek is freaking _awesome_ , and they have sleepy make out sessions, and a breakfast of pancakes (Derek can cook breakfast foods, who knew?) and loads of coffee, with some stupid smiles and the borrowing of some clothes, that Stiles has a feeling makes Derek way more happy than should be normal, but he's okay with that.

The awkward part is getting home with his… new boyfriend? in tow, and finding your _dad_ having breakfast with your… ex-boyfriend? in the kitchen.

 _That_ is awkward.

"One day, kid, you'll stop doing this the hard way" his dad tells him, trying for stern, but only barely managing to contain a smile.

Derek squeezes his hand in reassurance, not bothering to hide his smirk from Anthony, who smiles at them – sadly and knowingly – and shakes his head.

"I don't think he'd be Stiles if he did things the easy way" the man says, getting up from the table, "My things are ready, and I was just waiting for you to say goodbye. I'll spend some time with my parents, before semester starts."

"Anthony-" Stiles tries, but his ex-boyfriend just smiles at him again, and shakes his head.

"It's okay, Stiles, really. I knew this was going to end like this when I told you to go for it last night. I just wish you both were a little smarter, so this situation wouldn't have _happened_ in the first place, but I'm glad for you. I really am."

Stiles thinks about going for a hug, but he doesn't think anyone would take that as a good thing right now, so he just nods and looks down, grabbing the car keys from his pocket and giving them to Anthony.

God, he took his boyfriend's car to go and have sex with another guy.

How lousy of a boyfriend is he?

Anthony takes them, nods to the Sheriff and passes them on his way to the door, grabbing his bags as he goes.

"Thank you."

Anthony looks as astounded by this as Stiles feels, and he stares at Derek with his mouth open as the man continues.

"For being there for him when I didn't realize…this. And for telling him."

Anthony seems to consider this for a moment, before leaning his head to the side a little, pondering.

"Would you have done anything? If I hadn't told him to go to you?"

Derek shakes his head.

"No."

Anthony nods, snorting as he turns to leave.

"My own fault then, right?"

He closes the door behind him, and Stiles turns to stare at Derek, who is smiling at him.

"Oh God, the two of you look _smitten_. I'm off to work, do _not_ have sex in this house. I mean it" the Sheriff tells them, hurrying to leave, but Stiles doesn't really pay attention, and neither does Derek – they're a bit too busy gazing stupidly into each other's eyes to care about anything else right now.

He knows he'll never have with Derek all the things he dreamed of with Anthony – the cute house in a little, calm town; the no trouble _at all_ life; the _normal_ thing, but honestly? He doesn't give a damn about all of that now that he remembers how much he missed his pack, and his friends, and his family, and himself.

They may have trouble every week, and their pack might be a little more controversial than most, and they may have a _lot_ of bad days, but now that he knows what _normal_ feels like? He thinks this is a pretty damn perfect life.

He wouldn't trade this for anything in the world.


End file.
